why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
