This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
