I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
