I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
