Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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