the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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