Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
