We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
