I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
