I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
