i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
These tits shall not be calmed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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