I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
