If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
