I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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