Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
