Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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