I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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