Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
