Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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