My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
