Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
