I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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