Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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