are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
