Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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