I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
