Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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