just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Less talking, more tequila
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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