I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
