Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
