We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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