wanna go halves on a baby?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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