Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize