That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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