Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
