like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
