when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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