what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How naked do you want me to be?
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