That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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