I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
