I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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