I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
