time to smoke my breakfast
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
