If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
