Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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