I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
