remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
