I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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