I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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