What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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