What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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