Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize