if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
