You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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