New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
