3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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