How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
