I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
