I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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