My first STD was from a foam party
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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