I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
