i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
