Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
