Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
