Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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