Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
