Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
