I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
