help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
