Heybabeimwearingurpanties
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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