Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
