ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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