do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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